More Like “The DORK Knight,” Am I Right?

8/2/19

Did you know that 2019 is Batman’s 80th birthday? It’s true! What would happen if the Caped Crusader actually WAS a burden on society – er, I mean an elderly person? Here’s a Nerdist article about my upcoming MAD Magazine story, “What If Batman Were Actually 80 Years Old?”

It’ll be published in the pages of MAD #9, which comes out on August 6th. Artist Pete Woods illustrated the story, and he did an incredible job.  Check out the Nerdist piece (and my “What If Batman…” story in its entirety) via the link above. And click on the thumbnail on the right to see a sneak peek of the first page!

Here are a few more announcements, but if you’ve been to my blog before, you’ll know that afterwards I’ll reward your patience with a humiliating anecdote from my writing career. (So keep reading!)

Two weeks ago, at San Diego Comic Con, I signed copies of Star Wars Adventures #23.  Here’s a picture of me at the signing, which took place at the IDW booth! (I wrote “Majordomo, Major Problems,” the Tales from Wild Space backup story in that issue. The story was illustrated by the amazing Drew Moss.) I’m not the only person who’s excited about Star Wars Adventures #23. The issue got a wonderful review from SciFi Pulse.

Journalist Jonita Davis interviewed me for The Black CAPE, an online publication that caters to older millennial and Gen X film and TV nerds. In the interview, I talked about “Majordomo,” as well as some of the Little Golden Books I’ve written for Penguin Random House (e.g. The Doctor Strange Little Golden Book).

In other news, I wrote the recent Scholastic children’s book Hungry Shark: The Official Shark-Tastic Guide, which is a guide to all of the characters in the Hungry Shark video game franchise. The book was the subject of a blog post on the Scholastic blog, as well as a post on the Ubisoft blog. (The Hungry Shark games are developed and published by Future Games of London and Ubisoft.)

And now that you’ve made it through the gauntlet of my announcements, I shall reward you with a humiliating anecdote. However, this anecdote will not involve my writing career. No, this anecdote is from before I even had a career. This anecdote comes from my childhood! (Ooo, spooky, right?) And it has to do with Batman, so it’s relevant to the “Batman at 80” theme of this post! Anyway, here goes…

1989 was Batman’s 50th anniversary. That’s why the first Tim Burton Batman movie was released in June of that year. But at the beginning of 1989, a TON of Bat-merchandise was unleashed upon the general public, in anticipation of the film.

Guess who bought as much of that merch as humanly possible? Guess who bought as much of that wearable merch as humanly possible? Oh, it was me, dear reader. It was me.

Allow me to elaborate: One day (in 1989), I showed up to school wearing ALL of the following:

  • A Batman baseball cap
  • A Batman sweatshirt
  • A Batman T-shirt, worn UNDER the sweatshirt *
  • A Batman belt
  • Batman socks
  • Batman shoes
  • A Batman doll **

* See, just in case I had to remove the sweatshirt, I still wanted to show that I was an enormous Batman geek. Hence, the T-shirt.

** Okay, you can’t really WEAR a doll. But I gripped the doll tightly in one hand, signifying that it was part of the ensemble.

Yes, I showed up to school wearing all of that…stuff. And since the Batman sweatshirt was black, and so was the baseball cap, and so were the shoes and socks, I also wore black pants. They weren’t black BATMAN pants, but I’m pretty sure I was just hoping that I could somehow WILL them into being Officially Licensed Batman Pants.

How did I show up to school like that and not get endlessly bullied?

I mean, I DID get bullied, sort of, in that people walked up to me, their eyes bulged, and they exclaimed “Wow.” Then they got their friends, showed THEM what I was wearing, and their friends ALSO said, “Wow.” So I became the freak of the day, a sideshow-style curiosity that my fellow students could use to brighten up their otherwise dreary lives. Yay for them!

And it’s not like I didn’t bring it upon myself. If you drive an ice cream truck and you drive by a school, the kids are going to shout, “Hey, ice cream!” If you dress like a weirdo and walk through a school the kids are going to shout, “Hey, weirdo!”

That’s what I get for dressing up like the world’s shortest Batman movie poster. And as I’m typing this, I’m realizing that this probably also explains my present-day reluctance to wear any item of clothing that has a fictional character – or a logo advertising a fictional character – emblazoned on it. It’s a rule I have. I don’t wear clothes that turn me into a walking billboard.

But I’m trying to break that rule, especially when sticking to said rule hurts other people’s feelings. For example, as I sit here typing this blog post, I’m wearing a Star Wars T-shirt which has a picture of Han Solo and Chewbacca on it. Laid over that image is a page from the Star Wars screenplay. My wife bought that for me. Since I’m a writer, and I’ve worked on a few Star Wars-related projects, she thought I’d like it.

And I do. If I didn’t wear it, she would be upset by that. But what about my rule?

I mean…

I guess I can break it, just this once…

Right?


Are You Arie Kaplan? The Comic Book Writer?

7/12/19

I know, I know, you want me to tell you an anecdote from my writing career, like I did last time. And I shall! But first, here are some announcements:

I wrote a Tales from Wild Space backup story that appears in Star Wars Adventures #23, which is out now from IDW Publishing. The story, titled “Majordomo, Major Problems,” is about Jabba the Hutt’s majordomo, butler, and consigliere Bib Fortuna. Specifically, it’s about how overworked and overwhelmed Bib starts to feel after tending to Jabba’s every whim on a daily basis. I should also mention that “Majordomo” is illustrated by Drew Moss, who is a phenomenal artist.

But don’t take my word for it; just check out this variant cover by Drew Moss, depicting a scene from the story.

Here’s a glowing review from the Jedi News site. The reviewer observed that there were parallels between Bib taking care of Jabba and a parent taking care of a child. Was “Majordomo” – at least partially – inspired by my life as a parent? What do you think? (Yes. Yes it was.)  

And if you’ll be at San Diego Comic Con next week, you should know that I’ll be signing copies of Star Wars Adventures #23 at at SDCC from 2-3pm on Fri July 19th, at the IDW booth #2729. You can see the full schedule of IDW’s signings here

Elsewhere at San Diego Comic Con, I’ll be appearing on a panel discussion celebrating E.C. Comics’s 75th anniversary. The panel will be happening at 6:30pm on Friday July 19th. The other panelists will be Grant Geissman (The Wonderful, Horrible EC Comics Book) and Dr. Travis Langley (The Joker Psychology: Evil Clowns and the Women Who Love Them), and the moderator will be Danny Fingeroth (A Marvelous Life: The Amazing Story of Stan Lee). Danny is the Walter White to my Jesse Pinkman, the Galactus to my Silver Surfer, the Eddie Murphy to my Arsenio Hall. Together, we’ll look back on the lasting impact E.C. has had on comics and on popular culture in general.

This panel should be quite a bit of fun. E.C. holds a very special place in my heart, especially since I’ve served as a writer for two E.C. titles, MAD Magazine and Tales from the Crypt.

In non-San Diego Comic Con-related news, I recently wrote the children’s book Hungry Shark: The Official Shark-Tastic Guide. It’s a guide to all of the wild and wacky sharks in the Hungry Shark video game franchise. Here’s an interview for the website SciFi Pulse about both the Hungry Shark book and my Star Wars Adventures story.

And now for the moment you’ve quite possibly been waiting for: a story from my writing career:

In the year 2011, I was a guest speaker at the Jewish Culture Festival in Krakow, Poland. It was my second year in a row appearing at the festival, and I gave a series of talks on comic book history, animation history, and various other topics. A camera crew from the festival followed me around a little bit, asking me questions and using the resulting footage to help promote the festival.

At one point, a little old man saw me being interviewed by the camera crew and tapped me on the shoulder. It turned out he was a tourist from England, visiting the festival. “Excuse me,” he began, “Are you Arie Kaplan, the comic book writer?” “That’s right,” I nodded. “Well,” he sniffed imperiously, “Some of us speak proper English.” Then he just turned away like it was nothing, and began talking to the camera crew.

I was really annoyed by his sense of entitlement and tried tapping HIM on the shoulder. “Excuse me, did you really just say that to me?” I asked him a little too loudly. But he ignored me and just kept yammering on about – oh I don’t know, I’m gonna say “the metric system” – and I gave up and went on my way. I guess in the end, he really showed me, the guy who was born in the wrong country, the guy what can’t tawk right. Who the hell do I think I am, anyway, speaking English without a British accent?

Oh well.


I Can FEEL Your Anger! It Gives You Focus! Makes You Stronger!

5/23/19

You know what? As a writer, often I really try to get into the heads of my characters. And sometimes, I take it too far. For example…

Oh, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Here’s a couple of announcements (and THEN, as usual, I’ll tell you an embarrassing anecdote from my writing career).

  • MAD Magazine: I wrote a humor piece called “The Bad Roommate,” which was illustrated by David DeGrand. It appears in MAD #7, on sale now!
  • Last month my Avengers Little Golden Book The Threat of Thanos (illustrated by Shane Clester) appeared in a Barnes & Noble ad in celebration of the film Avengers: Endgame! (Click on the thumbnail to see the whole ad)
  • Hungry Shark: The Official Shark-Tastic Guide, written by yours truly, comes out on June 25th, 2019 from Scholastic. Barnes & Noble included the book on their list of “Guides & Novels for Your Gamer.” (Seriously, what’s with Barnes & Noble hyping all of my books lately? Not that I’m complaining…)
  • Star Wars Adventures: Recently I wrote a Tales from Wild Space comic book story called “Majordomo, Major Problems,” which was illustrated by Drew Moss. “Majordomo” is an 8-page backup tale in Star Wars Adventures #23, which comes out on June 26th, 2019 from IDW Publishing.

Now that that’s out of the way, I believe you’re owed a humiliating anecdote about my writing career. And you shall have it:

As a writer, often I really try to get into the heads of my characters. For example, when I was a staff writer on the television series TruTV Presents: World’s Dumbest, I found that in order to write jokes for Gilbert Gottfried (who was one of the cast members), you had to yell the jokes out loud AS Gilbert Gottfried. In other words, you had to do an impression of Gilbert Gottfried, to figure out how he would say a particular joke.

And that’s something I’ve done quite a few times in my career. When I was writing the scripts for the House M.D. video game, I did an impression of Hugh Laurie, in his “Gregory House” voice. As “Hugh Laurie,” I acted out each scene, talking into a digital recorder. Then I played it back in order to see if it sounded like something the character would actually say.

When I used to write Bart Simpson comic book stories for Bongo Comics, whenever Krusty the Clown was in a story, I found that it was really helpful to brainstorm one-liners for Krusty by doing a terrible Krusty impression and ad-lib some jokes while talking into the digital recorder. More recently, when I wrote my LEGO Star Wars books for Scholastic, I liked to put a few Emperor Palpatine jokes in each book. And sometimes the jokes were written IN Palpatine’s voice, especially if Palpatine was narrating a section of the book. That meant doing a really terrible, over-the-top Ian McDiarmid impression, and it really helped make the Palpatine jokes and Palpatine narration even funnier.

But what I’m really getting at is that – as I type this – there’s a digital recorder right next to my laptop. On that digital recorder’s files there’s hours and hours of audio of me doing the absolute WORST Hugh Laurie, Krusty the Clown, and Ian McDiarmid impressions. And when I was writing the House scripts, I was also doing impressions of the OTHER House cast members. So there’s audio of me doing awful Omar Epps impressions, awful Lisa Edelstein impressions, awful Robert Sean Leonard impressions. Oh, you have no idea. And you WILL CONTINUE TO have no idea. Because nobody will ever hear those audio files. I guess this isn’t really a humiliating anecdote as much as it’s a POTENTIALLY humiliating anecdote.

But if you ever need something to blackmail me with, just steal the digital recorder, okay?

 


Dress For the Job You Want. Or Don’t. It’s Entirely Up To You.

4/4/19

Happy Two-Days-After-April-Fool’s-Day! Welcome to my latest blog post, where I generously share news and announcements about my recent projects, followed by a humiliating personal anecdote. So, without further delay, here are some announcements:  

This weekend (April 5-7), I’ll be the Scholar-In-Residence at Congregation Or Hadash, in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania. I’m going to be giving lectures and teaching workshops on a variety of pop culture-related topics. 

Also, three of my children’s books will be coming out later this year:

1. The first book is called Hungry Shark: The Official Shark-Tastic Guide. It will be published by Scholastic in June 2019 (just in time for Shark Week!), and it’s a guide to all of the characters in the Hungry Shark video game franchise. I had a ton of fun writing this book, which is stuffed to the gills with exclusive info about fearsome fish like Tiger Shark and Great White, as well as goofballs like Mako Shark and Porbeagle. 

2. I co-wrote the new edition of The LEGO Ninjago Visual Dictionary, which comes out in September 2019 from DK. My co-author on the book was Hannah Dolan. I did quite a bit of research while working on this book, and I think it shows! The book looks pretty fantastic, and I’m very proud of my work on it. 

3. And I wrote The Despicable Me Little Golden Book, which will also come out in September of this year, from Penguin Random House. It’s an adaptation (Little Golden Book-style) of the first Despicable Me movie, and it was illustrated by Elsa Chang. While working on this book, I really started to empathize with Gru. Like me, Gru’s just an ordinary dad. He just so happens to also be a supervillain. Is that so wrong? (Yes. Yes, it is.) 

But that’s not why you’re here! You’re here to read another embarrassing anecdote about my writing career. Well, here it is:

For the past several years, I’ve been a writer for MAD Magazine. But before I was a MAD writer, I was a MAD intern. Before I was even an intern, when I was first getting ready to go over to the MAD offices to interview for the internship position, I wasn’t sure what I should wear. I dressed in a T-shirt and jeans, which is the standard “Arie Kaplan uniform.” That was true then, and it’s true now. However, just in case the MAD folks wanted me to dress formally, I had my finest suit dry-cleaned. Then I folded it ever-so-neatly, kept it on its wire hanger, and put it in my backpack. And then I went to the interview, which was conducted by Joe Raiola, who was at that time both the Associate Editor of MAD and the magazine’s internship coordinator. After talking to Joe for a while, I realized that the interview seemed to be going well. So I said, “By the way, I didn’t know what to wear to this meeting, so I brought a suit.” Joe looked at me and said, “No you didn’t! I don’t know how to tell you this, but what you’re wearing is NOT a suit.” And I unzipped my backpack and pulled out the suit. And Joe started laughing and yelled out, “He brought a SUIT in his backpack…and it’s STILL ON THE HANGER! He even had it dry-cleaned!” He called in the other editors to look at the hallmark of ridiculousness that was my carefully folded, dry-cleaned suit, still on the hanger. And everyone had a good laugh. I don’t know why I thought I might have to wear a suit. It was MAD Magazine, after all! But in my defense, I WAS eighteen years old. And eighteen-year-olds are pretty much incapable of making good decisions. Ancient Egypt’s King Tutankhamen (aka “King Tut”) made so many bad decisions that he DIED at age eighteen.

To any eighteen-year-olds who might be reading this: stop it. Just stop it. Whatever “it” is that you’re doing, stop it. You look ridiculous. That is all.

 

 


Please contact me if you want to use this for any reason. arie@ariekaplan.com