Hey, I Came Up With Some Title Ideas for a Hanukkah-Themed Horror Movie
You know what? It’s Hanukkah! So I figured I’d talk about Hanukkah! No, not Hanukkah the holiday; Hanukkah the MOVIE. See, there’s a horror film that came out a few years ago called Hanukkah. It’s a slasher movie about Hanukkah, and they decided to CALL the movie Hanukkah. Which is a terrible title for a Hanukkah-themed horror movie. It’s so unimaginative! I mean, couldn’t they come up with a better title than…Hanukkah? It doesn’t even SOUND like a horror movie title.
I know that some of you reading this might be thinking, “Oh yeah, Arie? You think you can do any better? You think YOU can come up with a better title?”
And here’s my answer: Challenge accepted! I decided to come up with a list of BETTER titles for a Hanukkah-themed horror movie. I gave myself a few minutes to accomplish the task, and here are the titles I came up with:
- Judah Maccabeast
- Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel, I Made You Out of SLAY
- MenoraaaaaaAAAAGGGHHH!
- The Whining
- Fried-Dough the 13th
- Mr. President, Those Latkes Are Alive!
- Gelt By Association
- Killer Kleins from Outer Space
- A Great Miracle Happened SCARE!
- Macca-Beat You To Death
- Jelly Donuts from Hell!
- The Discount Pair of Men’s Slacks That Wouldn’t Die
- Death Dreidels: Dreidels of Death
- The House of Wax…Menorah Candles
- Kvellraiser
- Skullcaps
- Tales from the Dark Sidelman
- Catskills Resort Massacre
- Menorah-morphosis
- The Wrath of Cohen
- Burial Plotz
- Salem’s Latke
There. ANY of those are a better title than Hanukkah. So if you’re reading this and you’re a film producer, and you want me to write a Hanukkah-themed horror screenplay to go with any of the above titles, you know where to find me. (Um, via the “Contact” page of this website. Or just email me at arie@ariekaplan.com That’s where you can find me.)
The E.T. LGB Is In The Beat Holiday Gift Guide!
Happy holidays, fellow earthlings! As I mentioned in an earlier post, I wrote The E.T. Little Golden Book, which is out now from Penguin Random House. The book was illustrated by the amazing Chris Fennell, and it’s a retelling of the 1982 film E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. In fact, it was published to commemorate the 40th anniversary of that film. It’s also a Funko Pop Little Golden Book, so Chris Fennell drew all of the characters in the adorable Funko Pop style.
I first saw E.T. when I was a kid, and I remember thinking that it was the first time I’d seen a movie where the kids talked like REAL kids. The dialogue sounded authentic. Whenever Elliott, Michael, and Gertie spoke to each other they were saying things actual kids might say, rather than some adult’s not-very-accurate approximation of how they thought kids spoke. That’s a testament to the talent of screenwriter Melissa Mathison, who wrote E.T. * She was able to remember the thoughts and feelings she experienced when she was a kid, and she was able to accurately reproduce those thoughts and feelings on the page. That’s a rare gift.
And speaking of gifts…
Earlier this month, The E.T. LGB was mentioned in The Beat’s 2022 Holiday Gift Guide! If you scroll down to the section titled “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial 40th Anniversary Gifts ‘N Things,” you’ll see that Beat writer Rebecca Oliver Kaplan was kind enough to name-check the book (and to name-check me as well). Thanks, Rebecca!
* And yes, it’s also a testament to the film’s director, Steven Spielberg, and the exceptional cast he assembled. I’m not trying to minimize their contributions to this movie at all. This was obviously a very personal film for Spielberg, and it shows. But when people talk about E.T. and how great it is, sometimes Melissa Mathison’s name gets left out of the conversation, which is absurd, because she was such a key component of that movie’s success.